i recently saw the term “preferred pronouns” being used, which reminded i wanted to rant about it.

so, at first this may seem like a nice term/phrase. indeed, it’s better to ask someone which pronouns they prefer to be used for them, than to assume them based on *vibes*.

yet i kinda despise this?

not the asking pronouns part of course! just the “preferred” bit.

if “preferred” is there, it must be differentiating between something. there must be a “normal” pronouns kind and a “preferred” one. it kind-of sounds like you are trying to specifically call out that a person is trans, in a deragatory way[1]. like they have the pronouns you’ve assumed, but because they are trans you are forced to ask them for their preferred ones.

to draw an analogy, you wouldn’t ask anyone for their “preferred name”. you would just ask them for their name, it’s already assumed that they’ll tell you a name that they want you to call them[2], so “preferred” would be meaningless[3].

similarly, i think you should just ask people “what are your pronouns?” – drop “preferred”. it’s shorter, it’s easier, it’s nicer.

my pronouns are it/its btw[4], meow!

bye :3

  1. i know that most people don’t mean it that way. at least not consciously anyway. yet it does feel this way (at least for me)? ↩

  2. or they can always say something like “my name is xyz, but please call me asteroid destroyer” ↩

  3. there is one case where “preferred pronouns” is meaningful – when people have multiple sets of pronouns (for example it/she/they – meaning “it/its or she/her or they/them”), they might have a preferred set (usually pronouns are listed in order of desceding preferrence). however, this is not what people mean when they ask for “preferred pronouns”. ↩

  4. at least at the moment? .-. ↩